I’m in a strange place.
I have been for months, but I’ve only recently put my finger on it.
I don’t mean I have no family, friends, etc. I have all of that.
I mean, my house feels empty.
The kids feel it too.
I’ve written before about the kids missing their dad. And they do. However, I believe it’s amplified, because he’s just not in the house. They miss his physical presence. They miss just knowing he’s here.
I know they will eventually get past it. For now, though, it’s a big thing for them. They feel it.
I simply miss the presence of another adult in the house.
I haven’t been alone in a really long time.
I’ve had roommates, boyfriends, a husband.
And I’ve never been alone in this house.
There’s something to be said for just the presence of another adult. Someone you can talk to or not talk to, just because they are there. There’s something to be said for someone just being around.
I used to be good at being alone.
I used to like being alone; preferred it, even.
I need to learn how to not feel needy just because I want to spend time with someone; just because I want someone else around.
I never used to invite people over. I’m not much for that kind of thing, being the introvert that I am. But I’ve been doing it more in an effort to “fill” the house; in an effort to just not feel alone.
It mostly works.
Until the next day, at least.
I need to learn how to be alone again.
It’s a strange place for me.